4 attachment styles

We are all from childhood, said Antoine de Saint-Exupery. Our relationship with a partner also depends on what our children’s communication with adults was. How exactly it affects us, we understand the theory of attachment.

Attachment depends on our ability to experience confidence in ourselves and others. It develops from the moment of birth: the baby is attached to a significant adult who takes care of him – most often it is a mother, although she is not necessarily. And from this adult, the child expects protection and support when he is alarming. Moreover, attachment to it arises in any case, even if an adult is deprived of sensitivity or inattentive.

The child is not able to choose a relationship, so he has to adapt to those in which he already found himself. And emotional habits and reactions that have arisen in them affect his future: they largely depend on them what his relationship with other people in adulthood will become. The closer and closer the relationship, for example, romantic, the brighter the features of children’s attachment will appear in them.

John Bowlby, based on the works of the children’s psychoanalyst Donald Winnikotta, developed a theory that describes the main attachment styles. According to the description, everyone can find out the one inherent in him.

1.Safe affection

“Emotions do not overcome me, but I do not suppress them. I easily communicate and can just as easily remain alone, without losing calm and getting pleasure from it. I treat my partner with attention and do not perceive them as a threat or obligation “.

This style of attachment is formed in children who are sure that a significant adult will always be nearby when it is required, and will help. This confidence allows them to feel safe and with interest to study the world around. They enjoy proximity and do not feel dependence.

2.Detached or avoiding unsafe attachment

“I avoid close relationships, I have incredulity, it is difficult for me to express my feelings, turn to others for help or advice. I usually perceive partners as unknown or detached. I do not want to be rejected, so I pretend that I do not need affection “.

This style of attachment arises if the calls of the child do not meet the answer, and the needs are not


satisfied. The child concludes that his desires are indifferent to the adult, and tries to adapt to this situation, suppressing his need for love and care. He may look indifferent and disinterested, but behind this is the fear of rejection and grief.

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